My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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