She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
