If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
