I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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