Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
