You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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