So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
