Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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