It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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