She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
