Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
