Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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