Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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