Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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