you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
