I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
