you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's like heaven, but drunker
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
