If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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