You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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