Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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