I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
