beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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