the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't turn off my feet"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
