So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
