It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
