I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
