So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
