I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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