I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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