She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
