So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
