Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They have beer where we have blood.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
