Don't make out with my wife yet
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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