I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Im part way to drunk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
