Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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