let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
