break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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