i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
