i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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