I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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