Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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