Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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