Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
