Need sex. Gaining weight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
