Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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