at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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