it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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