A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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