I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Enjoy the penises
my liver is dry heaving
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
