FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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