Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
