pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
