I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
