Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
