does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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