Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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