Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
