I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
