So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
