This is not my ceiling
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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