i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
