I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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