I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
