Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
