the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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