my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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