No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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