I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
